Dr. Stan J. Tharp, MBA

I had the opportunity to speak on Mental Health in Ministry at the Grace Leadership Institute in Erie Pennsylvania last weekend. I enjoyed meeting the staff and students at this fairly new Institute located in a renovated historic church.

For about 12 hours we talked about mental and emotional health, and how it is threatened at seemingly epidemic proportions. Our conversations ranged from having a mentally healthy world view, to what the Bible says about mental health. We also added in some role-playing for counseling situations.

We discussed one of the most memorable pieces of advice I received from a mentor of mine, over 30 years ago. It is really good for mental health and peace of heart for those people overwhelmed with trying to win the approval of others. This advice helps us temper the tendency to yearn for approval and acceptance of others. We used to talk about peer pressure being a key liability for the teen years, but the quest for approval seems to be creeping across the lifespan, aggravated in this day and age of social media; we want to measure up, be approved of and be loved.

The advice was simple: “It would be nice if everyone loved me, but it isn’t necessary.” (Go ahead and read that statement out loud to yourself a time or two.) Our drive to be accepted, loved, agreed with and approved of is endless, and never fully satisfied. To those of you stuck on the treadmill of approval, take a deep breath, “step aside” and free yourself of trying to earn the love and approval of everyone. The truth is, you won’t earn it from everyone anyway.

So do yourself a favor. Learn to live with your limits as well as with the amazing person God created you to be. Stop trying to get everyone to love, accept and agree with you. Invest in relationships that are healthy with people who see your worth; and ultimately, take solace in knowing God knows you and loves you more than you can imagine.